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I AM HIS!

8/16/2012

What an incredible, first night of GriefShare. So many hurting, yet so many willing to let God in and heal their hearts. It's not easy, I know that well, but I also know the process to heal the pain is far greater than the pain that sticks. I was exhausted for sure, but also exhilarated at what I know God is getting ready to do in the hearts and minds of His children over the next few months.

No wander then, as I was coming into consciousness the next morning, I heard, “So you think you are going to help all these people heal? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”

Instinctively, I said in my heart, “I AM HIS! I am covered in the blood of the Lamb! I am a child of the King of kings and the Lord of lords - THAT'S WHO I AM!” By the end of the sentence I was wide awake and a little breathless. Mostly, when I wake up in the mornings, I get to hear a song in my heart from heaven, or a word God is whispering to my heart. It wasn't always like that, but I can't remember the last time I woke up to such awful hate.

I am so thankful I am of God, and have overcome them, because He that is in me is greater than he that is in this world (I John 4:4). I am so thankful that I didn’t tremble in fear. I am so thankful that, more than I even realize, deep inside, He is guarding me at every turn and that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I belong to Jesus Christ of Nazareth!

There has been some tough stuff that happened in the lives of the people in this GriefShare class, but the participants are there, and they are willing, and that is all God needs - a willing heart. Along with this incredible privilege to sit on the front row and watch God heal these precious souls, I am also entering into a great, big vision God has planted in my heart over the last several years to help even more people (more on that at another time).

I have become consumed with helping God's people find their way to the Creator of the universe because He is waiting on the edge of His seat to heal hearts that are broken, grief-stricken, confused, torn-apart, depressed, full of anger and rage - whatever condition your heart is in - God Almighty is ready, willing and ABLE to heal you and be in an intimate relationship with you.

I know this for certain because that’s what He did for me. Although I still have the toughest of days, I have been so thoroughly healed I would do a hundred cartwheels if I knew how! When I think about it too long, I just swell up with tears of praise and adoration for the One who loves my soul. Two years ago I would have told you, "Yea, I'll be okay again one day." But never could I have dreamed of deeply feeling joy again - NEVER!

I was listening to Beth Moore teach on being plucked out of the net. The verse she read was, “My eyes are ever toward the LORD, for He shall pluck my feet out of the net" (Psalm 25:15). That gives me a picture in my mind of being entangled.

What are you entangled in? Shame, fear, guilt, anger, rage, unforgiveness, bitterness, grief, sadness, sin...

I guess after having been entangled myself in pretty much all of that and more, having all but moved in with satan because I had been so broken and was in such deep, dark depression, I thought I was losing my mind - THEN, being plucked out by the hand of God, not because of who I am, but because of who He is, because I belonged to Him - I guess that was the reason I could respond with such surety, even while half asleep...

I AM HIS! I AM COVERED IN THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB! I AM A CHILD OF THE KING OF KINGS AND THE LORD OF LORDS!

Don’t give up! Ever!

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It's Okay to Ask

8/2/2012

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I have gone back to praying through a Power of a Praying Woman over myself and Power of a Praying Wife over my king. It has been an incredible blessing and enriching journey.

I remember first reading these books by Stormie Omartian several years ago and was not a particular fan of the Praying Wife; in fact, I had the audacity to buy it at a time I thought I needed to fix my husband; and what better way to do that than to yield my prayer as a mighty sword to chisel him into the man I thought He should be. I saw Ms. Omartian’s book on the shelf and thought, “Well, there is someone who agrees with me and actually wrote about it! Yes!” Boy was I beyond wrong! The very first sentence in her book says, “First of all, let me make it perfectly clear that the power of a praying wife is not a means of gaining control over your husband, so don’t get your hopes up!”

Huh? Surely, she’s not with me here...then she says, “In fact, it is quite the opposite. It’s laying down all clam to power in and of yourself, and relying on God’s power to transform you, your husband, your circumstances and your marriage.”

That’s all great, except there was nothing wrong with me - he needed to be fixed and then everything would be okay. I tucked her thoughtful little book away behind the other books on my shelf and proceeded to assign myself the role of Holy Spirit in the life of my husband.

How incredibly patient, long-suffering and kind God is. Since then, God has gently and lovingly led me to the end of myself and revealed to me, one layer at a time, my own sin of pride, anger, unforgivenness, bitterness... do I really need to keep going?

A couple of years later, I went back to Mrs. Omartian's book and spent the next two years alternating through each book. It took me awhile to figure out there are 30 chapters in each book - Oh! Perhaps that means I should pray a prayer each day of the month. I did, and how incredible it was as God began to break down the walls surrounding my heart. What I didn't know was that those two years would carry me through the darkest times of my life as I hit the depths of depression and was emotionally torn to shreds over the heartache in my marriage. When I reached no ability to read God’s Word, nor to pray, the seeds I had planted for two years straight were there, harvesting what I could not do on my own. Thank you JESUS!

One of the greatest lessons I've come to understand since God has brought peace and healing to my mind, as well as completely restored my marriage, is something He whispered to my heart as I picked up the Power of a Praying Wife yesterday to embark on a new month of covering my king from head to toe in prayer. I tweeted this lesson: When I have a deep need from my king, I am learning to ask God, THE KING, for it, not my husband. The results are far greater and more permanent.

Here’s why - God is the ONLY one capable of meeting your deepest need. There is no man on earth capable, nor responsible, for your joy. It is unreasonable and unfair to put that burden on our men. Second, one of three things is going to happen when you truly seek God with all your heart for your deepest desire:

1) God is going to show you that He alone is the only One who can fulfill your need and will do so in His own time. Some needs we can’t handle when we want them.

2) God is going to show you that your need is not really what you thought it was, and He will create in you a heart after Him alone.

3) God will get to work internally in your husband’s heart and create a change that only He can accomplish permanently and it will fulfill your need to full.

This is what we really want. I can ask Preston to do a certain thing to meet my need, and he will more than likely do his best to change his external habits and behavior; for a short time. Habits are hard to break. Or, I can go to God for what I am longing for and over time, my Lord will fulfill my heart’s desire in His way, and not only will it be beyond anything I could ever ask or imagine - it will last a lifetime.

Which do you prefer?

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Michelle D. Dickens

Here I simply share my life and pour out whatever emotions I have...well almost, some things need to be kept between me and Jesus (heehee). We all need a safe place to spill out what we think and feel and this is mine. My prayer is that you find some sort of encouragement for your own life and also find this a safe place to share your heart.