Husbands aren't leading. They are broken. Lost. Dropped by their dads. Wounded. Angry. Defensive. Insecure. Ridiculous. Controlling. Lording it over their wives because they can't control anything else.
Wives are out order. Head of their homes and mad as hell that husbands won't take the lead. How can they? We women won't sit down and shut up! Insecure. Wounded. Hurt. Bitter. Beaten. Tired. Hopeless. Controlling.
Then, then...we want the other person to change, thinking that we don't have to. That we are honestly okay and if he or she would just get it together then everything would be alright! Prideful! Arrogant! Completely crazy!
I remember being there. Hitting that place of hopelessness. Thinking there was no change coming. That GOD was big, but not THAT big! How could he repair this?! It would take willingness on both our parts, right? WRONG! Only one of us had to be willing!! And to be honest, neither of us had to be because GOD CAN DO ANYTHING! In fact the worse the situation, the more ready He is to show His undeniable power and glory through the sin-filled hearts of wives and husbands. MY LORD showed me I didn't even have the heart, nor did I deserve, the man I was demanding my husband to be. Who was I to set a flawed standard for a flawed human to live up to and then get mad when he couldn't?! A hot mess is who I was.
I am hearing so many now, "You have NO IDEA what has been done to me!" I don't. I'm not even going to pretend to have walked through anything near what you've walked through. But neither have you walked any part of the hell I've walked through, and it's okay. The more I serve God's people the more I realize everyone's situation is as awful as it is to them. There is no comparison when it comes to hurting.
What I do know is there is no hurt that GOD won't heal! Not one! No matter how big or small your hurt, it's yours and it's real and the blood of Jesus can not only take that sting away but can completely and utterly heal you through and through! The devotion below says it all! ALL!! My sister in Christ and mentor sent it to me. I was floored when I read this! It. Is. Everything! It is all there needs to be said!
I know this is long but PLEASE take time to read this! And know this...I am in desperate prayer for all of us! That we would turn to our Savior, with all of our heart, and all of our mind, and all of our soul and all of our strength, to find every ounce of what we need! I'm not giving up, because I know first hand what God can do; and I want every single soul to know the power of the resurrected King in their own hearts and lives just as I experienced in my own life and marriage! GLORY TO GOD!
A Soul filled with God
One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple. ~ Psalm 27:4
Personal worship is an absolute necessity for a strong marriage. It comes down to this: If I stop receiving from God, I start demanding from others. Instead of appreciation and loving and serving others, I become disappointed in them. Instead of cherishing my wife, I become aware of her shortcomings. I take out my frustrations with a less-than-perfect life and somehow blame her for my lack of fulfillment.
But when my heart gets filled by God’s love and acceptance, I’m set free to love instead of worrying about being loved. I’m motivated to serve instead of becoming obsessed about whether I’m being served. I’m moved to cherish instead of feeling unappreciated.
Madeline complains about a lack of spiritual intimacy in her relationship with her husband, Martin. “ He’s never been what you might call a spiritual leader,” she says, and this has become almost an obsession for her-as though her own spiritual health depends on her husband suddenly becoming mature.
“Did Teresa of Avila have a spiritual leader?” I asked her. “Madame Guyon? Mother Teresa of Calcutta? What about the countless widows who now pursue God on their own? Were-and are- their lives empty simply because they aren’t married to a spiritually mature man?”
Tim is upset because his wife never initiates physical intimacy. Like Madeline, he’s become fixated on one issue in his marriage, so that he can even hardly pray- which makes him feel even more emotionally dependent on the sexual intimacy he is not getting. “Tim,” I said, “I remember praying with a husband whose wife was in the last stages of severe multiple sclerosis. It had been years since they could enjoy anything even approximating normal sexual relations. Do you think God has wired this world in such a way that her husband has no chance to be happy and fulfilled because his wife can’t initiate-or even perform?”
Tim had expected me to preach only to his wife, not to him. “In fact,” I added, “he found great joy in taking care of her-and that meant cleaning out a bedpan on a regular basis.”
Certainly, spiritual intimacy and sexual relations are legitimate desires, but you know what? Whenever I place my happiness in the hands of another human being, I’m virtually guaranteeing some degree of disappointment. It can be as frivolous as a barista not getting my chai at Starbucks just the same way I like it, or it can be as profound as some pastor I really admire falling into sin.
That’s why worship sets me free. It meets my most basic need-to rest in the fact that I know and loved, that I have a purpose, and that my eternal destiny and delight are secure-so that lesser needs (including spiritual companionship and sexual desires) serve the role of an occasional dessert rather than my main meal.
It’s simply not fair to ask your spouse to fulfill you. No one can, If you expect your spouse to be your God for you, your spouse will fail every day and on every account. Not only that, should your disappointment lead you to divorce, your second, third, and even fourth spouses will fail you too!
Only one can love you like God, with a perfect, constantly steady, and giving love-and that is God himself! When the “one thing” we seek is to dwell in God’s house, to gaze upon his beauty, and to seek him in his temple, our soul’s sense of desperate need is met in our heavenly Father’s arms. Then we leave this temple and find tremendous joy in giving, in loving, and in serving rather than in keeping close accounts as to whether we’re being loved or being served.
Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve seen a constant formula at work in my life: the less I receive from God, the more I demand from my wife; the more I receive from God, the more I am set free to give to my wife.
The best thing you can do for your marriage is to fill your soul with God. Start defining disappointment with your spouse as spiritual hunger; a cosmic all to worship. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but it is limited. It can’t replace God. Don’t ask it to.
Taken from, Devotions for a Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas